i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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