He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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