Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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