he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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