Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
