i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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