it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
