I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
