Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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