I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
