Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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