everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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