I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
