yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just high enough for therapy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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