just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
