I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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