The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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