Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
