Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
