The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
