Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
