i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
