I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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