I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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