Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
