I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
