I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
