we made out on top of his cat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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