you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
nutella sex= disaster
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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