Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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