did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
