I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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