this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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