Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
