Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
