I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
