I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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