I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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