Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
