You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize