he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
