I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
