I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
