Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
