I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
