Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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