you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
