Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this just has baby written all over it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
