am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
