We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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