I looked at my own cervix.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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