apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
