just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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