I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
