dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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