what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
