bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Someone shit on the floor
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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