In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
