a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
