I'm lost and stupid without you.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
