matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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