i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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