dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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