Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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