So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
